Im tired

Reached home not feeling good. 3 things. I should take my afternoon nap but i dont feel like it. Will have a really good night slp latr.

1) One month plus ago, my mind is make up to not train anymore. Someone suggested to go gym today from the start of this week. Through the days has been slowly conditioning my mind for the start of training again. It got cancelled at the last min. This is so tiring to the mind.

I feel that there is this storage in me that is storing up energy, and when this energy gets larger and larger, i need to find ways to release it. Ways includes training and parkouring. I wish i got a punching bag in my house.

2) Yesterday Eugene told me abt one of the exercise that makes him cry. "What do you want?" I has been asking myself too. Got the ans just now. It is not a hard, complicated thing to want but it just seems far. Made me tear alittle.

3) Another feeling im feeling now seems familiar. It scares me.

I always picture myself as the survivor, the one who wont be destroyed by hurdles laid infront of me. Now, i released that the thing that would kill me is myself and it scares me.